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Part 4: Body language.
How to Know When a Woman is Interested in You and or Wants You to be Closer; By Understanding Body Language.
Read part 1, 2 and 3 first.
Click Here. A Woman's Body Language Part 1.
It is Important to understand and respect a woman's comfort zone. This Zone is Four to seven feet for social space. The Zone for intimate distance is actual contact or six to eighteen inches.
As you get closer to the woman, pay attention to her body language, it will tell you just what she wants and does not want. We don't know how much space is necessary to any individual woman, but what is important in our study of body language is what happens to any individual woman when this shell of space or territory is threatened or breached. How does she respond and how does she defend it, or how does she yield?
I had lunch not too long ago with a psychiatrist friend. We sat in a pleasant restaurant at a stylishly small table. At one point she took out a pack of cigarettes, lit one and put the pack down three-quarters of the way across the table in front of my plate.
She kept talking and I kept listening, but I was troubled in some way that I couldn't quite define, and more troubled as she moved her tableware about, lining it up with her cigarettes, closer and closer to my side of the table. Then leaning across the table herself she attempted to make a point. It was a point I could hardly appreciate because of my growing uneasiness.
Finally she took pity on me and said, "I just favored you with a demonstration of a very basic step in body language, in nonverbal communication."
Puzzled, I asked, "what was that?"
"I aggressively threatened you and challenged you. I put you in a position of having to assert yourself, and that bothered you."
Still uncomprehending, I asked, "But how? What did you do?"
"I moved my cigarettes to start with," she explained. "By unspoken rule we have divided the table in half, half for you and half for me."
"I wasn't conscious of any such division."
"Of course not. The rule remains though. We both staked out a territory in our minds. Ordinarily we would have shared the table by some unspoken and civilized command. However, I deliberately moved my cigarettes into your area in a breach of taste. Unaware of what I had done, you still felt yourself threatened, felt uneasy, and when I aggressively followed up my first breach of your territory with another, moving my plate and silverware and then intruding myself, you became more and more uneasy and still were not aware of why.
"It was my first demonstration of the fact that we each possess zones of territory. We carry these zones with us and we react in different ways to the breaking of these zones. Since then I have tried out the same technique of cutting into someone else's zone when she was unaware of what I was doing.
At supper the other evening, my love Jeanette, and I shared a table in an Italian restaurant with another couple. Experimentally I moved the wine bottle into my friend's "zone." Then slowly, still talking, followed up my intrusion by rearranging wine glass and napkin in her zone. Uneasily she shifted in his chair, moved aside, rearranged he's plate, her napkin and finally in a sudden, almost compulsive lunge, moved the wine bottle back.
She had reacted by defending her zone and retaliating.
From this parlor game a number of basic facts emerge. No matter how crowded the area in which we humans live, each of us maintains a zone or territory around us - an inviolate area we try to keep for our own. How we defend this area and how we react to invasion of it, as well as how we encroach into other territories, can all be observed and charted, and in many cases used constructively. These are all elements of nonverbal communication. This guarding of zones is one of the first basic principles.
How we guard our zones and how we try to expand to other zones is an integral part of how we relate to other people. The less a woman guards her zone, or tries to maintain it, the more comfortable she is with you. It is much easier for a woman to encroach into a man's zone then it is for a man to move into a woman's zone.
In certain settings, like a dance club, I will watch a man approach a woman. I can tell that the woman, trying to be polite, does not really have an interest in this man. I look to see what kind of eye contact they are making. Is her body turned toward him or not? What is she doing with her hands? Are the hands turned up or down, are they open or mostly closed? I also look for further body language, as I am sitting quite a distance away and behind them. Even though they are having a conversation, I approach the woman and ask her to dance. She leaves the man standing there in a middle of a sentence.
When I come back after the dance I walk her to her seat and say thanks for the dance and ask if she wants to dance later. I watch every form of body language as she answers. Even if it is the most powerful yes, I leave, as I don't want to stand around her like a needy man. I am not at all worried if another man approaches her. I already know that men will because she is hot looking. I never buy a drink for women in this setting, that is old school and women starts thinking in their mind, what is next? By my leaving her immediately, I become a mystery to her. She starts to think, hey, who is that guy, that was fun, he is not trying to hit on me. Wow, he really likes to dance, like me. I watch as three men within the next song ask her to dance but she says no. One man stays around like a pathetic puppy and tries to make conversation with her, most likely telling her how beautiful she is and then talking about himself. Two songs have passed and I ask her to dance again, after another man just paid for her next drink. She says yes, and in the next two hours I start a slow seduction and flirting. I will not say much, if there is talking it will be from her. I will pay close attention to how she reacts to me entering her Zone for intimate distance, I will watch her body language, I will make sure she knows I am listening. I will not even glance at another woman. She will kiss me sensually before the night ends. Even though I know it is maybe possible to take her home that night I will not ask. I will just say I had a great time and I would like to go out with you again. She says YES, and we exchange numbers. I will call her in two days and make a date. I will not ask her what she wants to do. I will tell her what we are going to do. She will say great. When I pick her up for the next meeting I will start with a kiss. This date will start hot and end hotter.
Click Here. How to Talk to Women, What's a Good Opening Line When You Meet a Woman.
Click Here.
Making Conversation When You Are In Front Of The Woman Who You
Want To Be Your Lover Or Mate.
What to Say to a
Woman When You
First Meet Her.
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