The For Women Only Page
COPYRIGHT © by LOVELINKUP.NET, and J. Joe Clemons 2004
Part 3: Body language.
This a series of articles about body language for women so come back to the for women only page every week to see if there is something new.
How to Know When a Man is Listening and Cares About What You Have to Say; by Understanding Body Language. Part 3.
Make sure you read part 1 Body Language first. Click Here.
It is Important to understand and respect a man's comfort zone. This Zone is Four to seven feet for social space. The Zone for intimate distance is actual contact or six to eighteen inches.
As you get closer to the man, pay attention to his body language, it will tell you just what he wants and does not want. We don't know how much space is necessary to any individual man, but what is important in our study of body language is what happens to any individual man when this shell of space or territory is threatened or breached. How does he respond and how does he defend it, or how does he yield?
I had lunch not too long ago with a psychiatrist friend. We sat in a pleasant restaurant at a stylishly small table. At one point he took out a pack of cigarettes, lit one and put the pack down three-quarters of the way across the table in front of my plate.
He kept talking and I kept listening, but I was troubled in some way that I couldn't quite define, and more troubled as he moved his tableware about, lining it up with his cigarettes, closer and closer to my side of the table. Then leaning across the table himself he attempted to make a point. It was a point I could hardly appreciate because of my growing uneasiness.
Finally he took pity on me and said, "I just favored you with a demonstration of a very basic step in body language, in nonverbal communication."
Puzzled, I asked, "what was that?"
"I aggressively threatened you and challenged you. I put you in a position of having to assert yourself, and that bothered you."
Still uncomprehending, I asked, "But how? What did you do?"
"I moved my cigarettes to start with," he explained. "By unspoken rule we have divided the table in half, half for you and half for me."
"I wasn't conscious of any such division."
"Of course not. The rule remains though. We both staked out a territory in our minds. Ordinarily we would have shared the table by some unspoken and civilized command. However, I deliberately moved my cigarettes into your area in a breach of taste. Unaware of what I had done, you still felt yourself threatened, felt uneasy, and when I aggressively followed up my first breach of your territory with another, moving my plate and silverware and then intruding myself, you became more and more uneasy and still were not aware of why."
It was my first demonstration of the fact that we each possess zones of territory. We carry these zones with us and we react in different ways to the breaking of these zones. since then I have tried out the same technique of cutting into someone else's zone when he was unaware of what I was doing.
At supper the other evening, my love Jeanette, and I shared a table in an Italian restaurant with another couple. Experimentally I moved the wine bottle into my friend's "zone." Then slowly, still talking, followed up my intrusion by rearranging wine glass and napkin in his zone. Uneasily he shifted in his chair, moved aside, rearranged his plate, his napkin and finally in a sudden, almost compulsive lunge, moved the wine bottle back.
He had reacted by defending his zone and retaliating.
From this parlor game a number of basic facts emerge. No matter how crowded the area in which we humans live, each of us maintains a zone or territory around us - an inviolate area we try to keep for our own. How we defend this area and how we react to invasion of it, as well as how we encroach into other territories, can all be observed and charted, and in many cases used constructively. These are all elements of nonverbal communication. This guarding of zones is one of the first basic principles.
How we guard our zones and how we try to expand to other zones is an integral part of how we relate to other people. The less a man guards his zone, or tries to maintain it, the more comfortable he is with you. It is much easier for a woman to encroach into a man's zone then it is for a man to move into a woman's zone.
Go to the FOR WOMEN ONLY page every week to see if there is something new.
Click Here. body Language Part 4.
Click Here. Attracting a Man With Your Eyes and the Sciences That Shows How and Why it Works.
Click Here. Ladies Stop Doing This If You Want To Attract The Right Man.
Click Here.
The 14 Steps For Meeting and Attracting Men.
Click Here.
Do
Not Talk About These Issues With a Man When You
First Meet Him, If You Want To Have Another Date.
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