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Part 3: Self-Esteem, Flirting and Seduction.
The Vital Role of Self-Esteem, in Flirting and Seducing a Woman.
Make sure you read Part 1, Wooing a Woman and Your Self-Esteem first. Click Here.
Part 3.
The Causes and Effects of Various Situations on Your Self-Esteem.
One of the most common statements I get from clients and information I get from hundreds of studies is that most men believe that if you tell them what to say to a woman they will feel more confident and this in itself will foster good self-esteem. Yes, to a point it will help some men. What happens if the opening line I give you falls short of some incredible response from the woman you want? Her response sends you feeling incomplete. What happens if the opening line does not work at all and you get completely rejected? A man with a weak self-esteem will feel bad, defeated and will think, what is wrong with me? I do give you key information on what to say and not say to a woman. But, how good is it if you can not handle rejection, or if you cannot keep a positive outlook?
A simple opening line said like "Hi I'm John, how are you doing"? can work wonders with the right presentation. But consider that same opening line being presented by a man that has self-doubt in himself and his ability to start a good conversation with a woman. How might he be perceived? Maybe dry, boring, just dull. Now, to the average woman that has not had a date in two years, wow, this is great. To a woman that can have a wonderful man with no problem and is that one of a kind woman that you dream of. Well, she wants the other man. Having good opening questions are great with good self-esteem.
How good of a presentation are you going to make when you do not think that highly of what you are selling? That is right, you are selling yourself. Remember you do not want just any woman. You want a woman that will respect you and look up to you. You want a woman that will listen to you. You want a woman that will help you feel good or better about yourself . If you just want sex from a woman, the best approach is not to play games, just tell her you want to make love to her.
Being a good lover will help keep many women, that can have just about any man, with no problem. How to be a Better Lover Click Here
Hundreds of researchers have quizzed thousands of people of various ages and situations, trying to see what causes self-esteem, who has the most of it, how important it is, how it can be increased, and so on.
Studies of young children show clearly that parents' style of child-rearing during the first three or four years determines the amount of self-esteem that a child starts with. After that, most studies of older children adolescents, and adults share a common confusion: what is cause and what is effect?
Does academic success foster self-esteem, or does self-esteem foster academic success? Does high social status cause high self-esteem, or does high self-esteem help you gain high social status? Do alcoholics drink because they hate themselves, or do they hate themselves because they drink? Do people like themselves because they do well in job interviews, or do they do better in interviews because they like themselves?
These are classic chicken-and-egg questions. Just as eggs come from chickens and chickens come from eggs, it seems that self-esteem grows out of your circumstances in life, and your circumstances in life are influenced strongly by your self-esteem. which came first? The question has serious implications for your success at raising your self-esteem.
If external circumstances determine self-esteem, then all you have to do to improve your self-esteem is to improve your circumstances. Let's say you have low self-esteem because you never graduated from high school, you're short, your Mom hated herself, you live in the slums, and you're 100 pounds overweight. All you have to do is go to night school and get your degree, grow about six inches, have been raised by a different mother, move to Beverly Hills, and lose 100 pounds. It's a cinch, right?
But you know you'll never make it. There's nothing you can do about your parents or your height. Your only hope is that things are the other way around: that self-esteem determines circumstances. This means that if you improve your self-esteem, your circumstances will improve. So just stop hating yourself, and you'll get taller, your mom will become somebody different, and those 100 pounds will evaporate like the morning dew.
If you feel that this second scenario is also a little unlikely, you can be congratulated on a keen appreciation of the real world.
The fact is that self-esteem and your circumstances are only indirectly related. There is another intervening factor that determines self-esteem 100 percent of the time: your thoughts.
For example, you look in the mirror and think, "Boy, am I fat. What a slob." This thought clobbers your self-esteem. If you looked in the mirror and thought, "Well, all right, it looks good to wear my hair like this" the effect on your self-esteem would be the opposite. The image in the mirror remains the same. Only the thoughts change.
Or let's say that you're discussing the news, and when you make a remark about the right-wing rebels your nitpicking friend corrects you: "No, you mean the left-wing rebels." If you tell yourself, "I really sound stupid," your self-esteem will take a nose dive. If you say to yourself, "Oh yeah, I've got to keep that straight next time," your self-esteem will not suffer so much. In either case, you don't change the circumstances, only how you interpret them.
Does this mean that circumstances have nothing to do with self-esteem? No. Obviously, in the area of social status, bank vice-presidents have more opportunity to feel better about their careers than cab drivers have. This is why a study of 100 vice-presidents and 100 cab drivers will "prove" that the higher status job leads to higher self-esteem. What is overlooked among the statistics is that there are some vice-presidents who slaughter their self-esteem by telling themselves, " I should have been president of my own bank by now. I'm a failure," just as there are some cab drivers who feel good about themselves because they think, "so I'm just a cab driver - I'm putting bread on the table, the kids are doing good in school, things are going just fine."
Your goal is to apply proven methods of cognitive behavioral therapy to raise your self-esteem by changing the way you interpret your life. It will show you how to uncover and analyze the negative self-statements you habitually make. You will learn how to create new, objective, positive self-statements that will foster your self-esteem instead of undermining it.
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